well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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