Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
