not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
