You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
