i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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