Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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