maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
