drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
