I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
