He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
