I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
