i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
