i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
