Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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