I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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