Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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