She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
