my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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