Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
