Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
