Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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