Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
