nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
