He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
