I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
