So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
