i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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