I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
