so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
