He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
it's like iHOP with fire
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
