Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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