I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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