I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
