I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
