I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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