I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He felt like a one man threesome
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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