My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
