I'm eating all of the evidence.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
