Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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