Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I need a beard to bite.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
