btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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