Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
