I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Randomize
