i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
can u get pink eye on your cock?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Randomize
