What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
