That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
