How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
