Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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