It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
