I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
