Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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