I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
