He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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